Fantasy Tonic, A Hogwarts Fairy Tale
by Ashliebelle
Summary: Reviews: 'Original and amusing to read.' 'Beautiful work' 'This is absolutely hilarous' 'Interesting imagination you got there' 'This story had me cracking up' 'I loved the ending, just loved it'
1. Fantasy Tonic

All characters and places belong to Jo Rowling. Fairy Tale characters belong to their respective creators. I am only responsible for blending the two together.

-- AN -- I have revised the story a very small bit, to get rid of the strange type that kept popping up, and to fix little bothersome sentences that have bugged me for a while. This is my favorite of all my fanfictions, so please enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

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It all started in Potions class the week before Halloween

Hermione, Ron and I were late to class. Peeves had blown all the dungeon torches out and we had to feel our way through the pitch-blackness towards the Potions classroom with Peeves' devilish cackling in our ears.

"Ickle students can't see a thing'sy!" he sang until we finally found the correct door.

Snape, though, was far less amused than Peeves at our troubles finding the classroom. We were more than a few minutes late, so he had no choice but to let us work together that day since everyone else in the class had already started their potions.

"Fantasy Tonic," he slurred at us as we took our seats. "Because of your lack of responsibility when it comes to tardiness--" he took his wand and put it over his shoulder and erased the words on the board behind him, "--it is up to you to find out what this potion does and how to create it." His lip curled into a smirk at Ron's blank stare. He turned away, his bat-like robes trailing behind him.

"Fine," Ron said. "Fantasy Tonic. Hermione, what is it?

"Why do you expect me to know everything all the time?" she said indignantly.

"Because you always do know everything all the time," I pointed out. Hermione looked sour for a few moments, then settled into her chair.

"Fantasy Tonic is a love potion," she said, "but instead of making someone fall in love with you, you turn them into a fairy tale character of your liking, and they see you as their princess... or knight in shining armor."

"What if you don't like the person you use it on?" Ron laughed. "Do they turn into a troll?"

Hermione didn't smile. "They'll become a fairy tale creature that has nothing to do with love. Haven't you read Hogwarts a Hist..." Hermione shook her head. "Never mind. The point is, there was once a boy here who got turned into a gingerbread man because his ex-girlfriend wanted to get him back for kissing her best friend in the library. The girl's best friend accidentally ate the gingerbread man, which killed the boy."

Ron's eyes lit up. "That's in Hogwarts a History? Maybe I'll finally give that book a try!"

Hermione glared at him because of his lack of remorse, and opened her potions book.

We began to create the tonic, adding the tiniest bit of unicorn hoof and toad toenails to the brothy mix.

"Remember to be careful," Snape reminded the whole class, letting his gaze settle on Malfoy for a few seconds. He and Goyle were popping the large bubbles of the tonic with their wands. I suspected if it was us, we would have gotten points taken away faster than you could say "Love Potion."

I don't remember exactly what happened, or in what order. Crabbe ran out of toad toenails, because he was hunched over, stupidly chasing Trevor the Toad across the dungeon. Neville was irate, shouting at Crabbe to stop.

On the other side of the dungeon, Dean Thomas yelled "NO!" and there was a loud explosion. Seamus Finnigan managed to add some unneeded ingredients and had gotten himself splattered with the tonic. While some of it covered his face, most of it was in a goopy puddle in the middle of the floor.

Snape didn't seem to know which disaster to go to first, but it didn't matter because Crabbe followed Trevor under one of the tables, knocking his cauldron and all of its contents into the middle of the room, combining it with the contents of Seamus' and Dean's mixture.

The potions sizzled and spewed thick purple smoke. It expanded quickly, seeping into the hall and out the small cracks in the ceiling. The smoke kept coming, filling everyone's lungs with thick, sweet goo.

It created enough smoke to engulf the whole of Hogwarts Castle, affecting everyone in and around the school, for after that, nothing was the same.

The smoke cleared, and my head was pounding. I must have passed out for a while because I woke up alone on the dungeon floor.

"Hermione?" I called. "Ron? Where are you?" I rubbed my head and stood up. Nobody answered.

"Hello?"

I went to the door, and opened it slowly.

I cursed as Snape's angry face appeared in front of me. I thought he was going to take points away for foul language, but he just stood there for a few long moments.

"Are you..." he asked slowly, "Little Red Riding Hood?"

I looked for some kind of humor in his expression, but remembered that this was Snape and that no such thing existed within him.

"No," I answered.

"Grrrrrm!" He grumbled, and stormed away down the corridor.

Thinking that was the most odd and unusual thing I had ever heard in my life, I went up the corridor away from where Snape went and toward the stairs. I got to the stairs, where seven small first years were intently picking at the stone walls.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hi-ho!" one answered cheerily, and continued picking at the rocks.

I tried to ignore them as I went up the stairs. Everyone was acting very strangely. My next class was Transfiguration, but I wasn't even sure if it was still time for Transfiguration.

I climbed up the staircases, but everyone kept stopping me along the way, asking very strange questions.

"No, I'm not on my way to Nottingham. No, I don't know the muffin man."

I finally reached McGonagall's room, but nobody was there. In fact, the desks weren't even there. There was one table covered with a large robe, with someone sleeping underneath it as if it was a bed. I let my curiosity get the best of me, and walked into the room to see who it was.

It was McGonagall. Her eyes opened slowly.

"Red?" she asked weakly.

"Huh?" I answered.

"Is it you, Red? I'm sick and I need something to eat." McGonagall sighed. "Grandma needs something to eat..." She went back to sleep.

I turned to leave, when I saw Snape peering into the door. He growled, and shut the door, leering at me.

Suddenly, I realized what was happening.

Everyone in Hogwarts was affected by the Fantasy Tonic, except for me. It was up to me to set things right again.

Snape stalked by the door again, and I could hear him muttering about eating Grandma.

Remembering Hermione's story about how dangerous the effects of Fantasy Tonic could be, I realized that setting things right wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.


	2. Greasy Wolf

I knew the first thing I had to do was keep McGonagall safe. Everyone knows the story of Little Red Riding Hood, and Grandma was doomed to be eaten alive.

First, I tried hiding Professor McGonagall in her office, but every time I tried to help her out of her makeshift bed, she whined about being sick and hungry and wanting to see her little granddaughter.

It also didn't help that Filch kept bursting into the room in hysterics, clutching Mrs. Norris like a pocket watch.

"I'm late!" He'd cry in a raspy voice, hopping in circles. "I'm late, I'm late! For a very important date!" Mrs. Norris would meow in pain as he swung her around. I had to keep pushing him out the door before Snape could get inside, which he was quite anxious to do.

After some time, I rationalized that the easiest thing to do was to occupy Snape with something else so he wouldn't keep trying to eat McGonagall.

I cracked open the door, and looked down the hall. Snape was sitting against the wall, scratching his greasy scalp. He noticed me and jumped up.

I cleared my throat. "You're not looking for a little girl are you?"

Snape hesitated, staring at me searchingly.

"Sure," I continued, "a little girl with a red hood?"

He nodded and smiled, and I noticed a drop of drool on his chin.

"Follow me," I said, "I know where she is." I started down the hallway.

Snape looked at the Transfiguration classroom and then back at me. He wiped the drool from his lips, and followed me. I planned to take him back down to the dungeons, hoping to get him locked in a room down there to keep him out of trouble.

Everyone we passed on the way down was acting like characters from storybooks. They were each engulfed in their own little worlds, ignoring everyone who wasn't involved in their story or fairy tale.

Ignoring everyone except me, that is. I was bombarded with questions, and sometimes I would have to keep myself from laughing at the characters some people got stuck with.

Crabbe and Goyle were gathering up sticks and straw, presumably to build their houses. I couldn't think of better candidates for two little pigs, even though Crabbe and Goyle aren't actually little at all. A large Ravenclaw boy was carrying a pile of bricks, telling Crabbe and Goyle that they were lazy and their houses wouldn't be safe from a big bad wolf. I had to keep Snape going to keep him from getting any ideas. I knew he was after Little Red Riding Hood, but I didn't want him to become confused and turn into the Big Bad Wolf.

I also couldn't help but wonder who the Big Bad Wolf was, but then realized I wouldn't be as keen to help Crabbe and Goyle out and would just let the Wolf attack them.

I looked outside a window down to the greenhouses, where I could see Colin Creevy trying to climb one of the larger plants as if it were a beanstalk. Unfortunate for him, the plant he was attempting to climb was a small Whomping Willow, and even though it was far less violent than the full-grown one, it was giving Colin quite a difficult time.

The best part, though, was when Malfoy ran crazily down the corridor wearing absolutely nothing. He must have been the emperor from The Emperor's New Clothes, and I wished more than anything I could have had Colin's camera to capture the moment forever.

Then I saw Ginny Weasley.

I gasped and shoved Snape into the closest room, shutting the door after him. I leaned up against the door with all my might.

"Hi!" I said to her casually, staring at the red hood covering her red hair.

"I'm sorry, I can't stop to talk," she said with a small smile, "I'm on my way to my sick grandma's house."

"Of course you are," I said, pushing on the door. Snape was trying to get out, and making a noisy racket in doing so.

Ginny stared at me curiously.

"Go!" I yelled, heaving my weight against the door. "I mean, Grandma's house is that way. You'd better hurry!"

She didn't waste another second and continued on her way.

I opened the door when she was out of sight.

"Why did you do that?" Snape yelled. "You said you were going to bring me right to her!

"That wasn't her," I said quickly. "It was my friend Ginny. She was really on her way to her... uncle's house..." I bit my bottom lip, and then my eyes lit up. "Her uncle is a woodcutter."

Snape calmed down immediately.

"Woodcutter?"

"Yes."

"I hate woodcutters," Snape growled. "Let's go."

I sighed to myself, leading Snape down a set of stairs. We got all the way to the dungeons, past the seven first year dwarfs.

"Hi Ho!" they saluted. One of them sneezed.

I decided to lock Snape in his own classroom, so that I could remember where he was. With all the rooms down in the dungeons, I wouldn't want to lose him. Actually... that wouldn't be so bad...

I needed him in the classroom because I was thinking about using a sleeping draught on him, and I knew there was a vial of it in his desk. Convincing him to take it was harder.

"What do you mean magic?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"I mean, when you drink it, you'll be able to smell Little Red Riding Hood even from very, very far away." I held it up and shook the vial a little.

"I can already smell her from far away," he grumbled.

"This will let you smell... through walls!" I said, and then grimaced, realizing that it wasn't the most intelligent thing I've ever said.

"Through walls, eh?"

I couldn't believe it, but he actually considered taking it.

"Fine," he said, stretching out his arm to take the vial. I handed it to him and he downed it right away. He fell to the floor without any reaction at all.

I shut the door, locking it with a simple spell, knowing that Snape wouldn't know how to use his wand to unlock it if he did wake up before everything was over.

Next, I needed to find Ron and Hermione. I hoped that they somehow were unaffected by the Fantasy Tonic as I ran up to the Gryffindor common room. I wondered if they would even be there, but I found out once I got through the portrait (the password had, ironically, been changed to 'fairy dust' earlier that week).

I found Hermione and Ron all right, but almost wished I hadn't.


	3. Goldilocks and the Princess

I swallowed dryly and looked into the circular Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Ron were both there, and they were engulfed in their stories just like everyone else.

Hermione was near the fireplace, talking softly to Trevor. Trevor sat on the table, looking as confused as a toad could possibly look. Then Hermione bent forward and kissed Trevor right between his toad eyes. A stream of slime stuck to her lips as she pulled away from him.

I saw Ron, grasping a spoon and bending over a bowl of something, touching his tongue to the spoon to taste the food. I thought for a moment that maybe he had been unaffected and that he could help me, but when I approached him my hopes were dashed.

"This porridge is too hot!" he exclaimed to me.

Hermione began to cry behind me.

"He was supposed to turn into a prince," she sobbed. Her arms wrapped around me awkwardly and she cried into my shoulder.

"Hermione!" I said, wiggling away. "What's wrong with you?"

She stared at me, and for a fleeting moment her eyes changed. She made a face as she tasted the slimy mess on her bottom lip and wiped it away. She looked around.

"Harry, why aren't we down in the..." Hermione began, and then stopped. She caught sight of Trevor hopping across the room. Her eyes glossed over.

"Wait!" she cried to Trevor, and chased him to the other side of the room.

"I don't know what's gotten into her," Ron said. I nodded in agreement, then did a double take.

"Ron?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Is it... I mean... you aren't...?" I tried to articulate a question that didn't sound absolutely unintelligent.

"What's going on?" I asked, generalizing as much as I could.

"Everyone's acting weird," Ron observed. Then, out of nowhere, he stood up and crossed the room, settling himself in a chair near the fireplace.

He thought for a couple of moments and said, "Too soft!

I rolled my eyes. What was I going to do? Hermione and Ron couldn't get out of their fairy tales long enough to help me out at all, and everyone else kept getting in the way.

I had to keep away from flying forks as "Robin Hood," a small third year, practiced his archery using utensils from the Great Hall and an old bow from the History of Magic room.

I managed to get Ron and Hermione to follow me wherever I wanted by holding a bowl of porridge in one hand (promising that it was 'just right') and Trevor in the other hand.

Ron, though, insisted on trying out every single chair we passed on our way to Dumbledore's office, which is where I had decided to go next.

"Come on, Ron!" I'd yell, holding Trevor out of reach from Hermione, who was straining with her arm outstretched.

"Wait!" A few seconds later... "Too small!" Ron would then get up until we found the next chair.

We made it down a couple staircases before Hermione finally snatched Trevor out of my hand and I dropped the porridge.

"Too dirty!" Ron said, staring at the porridge on the floor. I sighed and shook my head, rubbing my left temple with my fingers.

"MWAH!" Hermione kissed the toad again, and started crying when he remained a toad.

I heard the distant screaming of Malfoy, and it was getting louder.

I laughed, poking Ron in the shoulder. "Ron! Wake up! You have to see this!" I pointed down the hallway where the screams were coming from, and Malfoy rounded the corner, naked as the day he was born.

Ron, though, was preoccupied with trying to keep Hermione from sobbing on his shoulder, and ignored Malfoy, even as he passed right by us.

We finally managed to get to Dumbledore's office, eventually discovering the password (apple crisp). Ron ran in and dove into the chair in front of the desk.

"Too hard!" he exclaimed with a pout.

"Who's there?" questioned a voice from the room attached to the office. It sounded like Dumbledore, but there was something strange about it.

When he emerged, I realized there would be no help from him. He needed more help than any of us.


	4. Too Cold!

"Professor?" I gasped. My breath came out in a cloud because the room's temperature dropped below freezing. Piles of snow scattered the edges of the room as Dumbledore approached.

"Happy Birthday!" he exclaimed. Dumbledore was Frosty the Snowman, except he was different than anyone else in the castle. His skin was completely white, and actually made of snow. He glistened in the candlelight. His beard was still made of hair, but it looked as if it had been stuffed into his face haphazardly by a child. His eyes were made of coal and his long bumpy nose was a carrot.

The Sorting Hat was perched on top of his head, and Dumbledore smiled at us crazily before turning around and dancing. The Sorting Hat wore a surly expression.

"Harry Potter!" it yelled as Dumbledore danced in circles, "What began all this?"

"A Potions disaster," I explained as Dumbledore made a snowball. "Everyone in the castle but me is affected!" Dumbledore threw the snowball at Ron.

"Too cold!" Ron shouted as snow dripped from his face, and he angrily stormed from the room.

"Get me down from here!" the Sorting Hat commanded as Dumbledore climbed upon his desk. A cane appeared in Dumbledore's hand and he began to dance like some kind of old Broadway star.

I tried to climb upon the chair next to the desk, but it had been covered with ice and I fell to the freezing ground.

"How can Dumbledore still do magic?" I wondered out loud as I picked myself up.

"You have to get me off of him!" the Sorting Hat pleaded. "I know how to reverse the potion's effects!

The headmaster giggled to himself, and then ran out into the hallway, bringing the Sorting Hat and the arctic chill with him.

I looked around helplessly. Hermione was back to kissing Trevor, which was relatively harmless, so I decided to leave her behind. I didn't know where Ron went. I sprinted out of Dumbledore's office.

I saw a blizzard turn left at the end of the hallway, so I followed.

A few students started following Dumbledore, laughing and throwing snowballs at one another. They called him Frosty.

"Frosty!" I shouted stupidly, slipping on the cold stones of the corridor. Dumbledore turned at his name. Someone chucked a snowball at me, but I ducked out of the way.

"Let me see your hat," I said, reaching to his head. He stepped away, his smile fading.

"But this hat gives me life," he answered. "If you take it off I won't be Frosty anymore.

I looked uncertainly at the Sorting Hat.

"It's okay," the hat said. "He'll be fine.

"Sorry if this hurts," I said, grasping the Sorting Hat and yanking it from Dumbledore's head. Dumbledore froze in place with a vacant expression. The snow around him melted into the cracks in the stone. His skin became skin and the carrot nose transformed into his own long, bent nose. The students surrounding him were furious. They began grabbing at me, trying to pry the hat from my grasp. I fought through them and sprinted down the corridor back towards Dumbledore's office. I said the password and dove in before anybody could follow me.

"Okay," I said to the Sorting Hat, "what do I need to do?

The hat made a face as I placed it on Dumbledore's desk as if it had been in pain.

"This kind of accident has happened before," the Sorting Hat explained, "though not on a scale so large." I pulled up the chair and sat down in front of the hat.

"You see," he began, "the effects of the potion are not complete. People are only acting like creatures and characters, and have not been completely transformed into them. If the potion is used correctly, a person can be transformed into an actual pig or an actual giant or any other sort of creature. Albus Dumbledore would have actually turned into a snowman and remained a snowman." The hat sighed. "Since the potion is not exact, the cure will not be exact.

"Why was Professor Dumbledore made of snow?" I asked. "Nobody else has been able to do magic.

"I am assuming it has to do with me," the hat continued. "Dumbledore is not the only person I have come in contact with. He was with a student at the time of the disaster, a 7th year, and she had become Rapunzul. Well, she spotted me sitting on the bookshelf, and put me on her head. Yellow hair began to sprout from her head until it was in a pile at her feet. A few minutes later, I heard a boy shouting from the window; I was still on her head. He was all the way down on the ground and he was shouting at her to let down her hair so she did. He climbed up and through the window. They kissed, and suddenly her hair disappeared and she stopped acting like Rapunzul. She tried to help Dumbledore, who hadn't moved since it happened. She decided to put the hat on his head and that's when the snow appeared and he started moving around."

"So , when the boy kissed her, she was cured?" I asked.

"She was cured, and so was the boy," answered the Sorting Hat. "You have to make everyone live happily ever after, but it will only work if I am on the head of somebody in the story."

"Everyone in the entire castle?" I exclaimed. "I can't do it, there are too many!"

"Then get used to your friends being in fairy tale land!"

I contemplated for a minute, and sighed.

"All right. There isn't any time restriction on this or anything is there? Like, I don't have to do this all before midnight do I?"

"No, no. But you do want to make sure nobody hurts themselves too much. Remember, magic only works if I'm on the head of a person in the story. If someone is killed without the hat on, then they will be dead forever. If I'm on the head of somebody and a character dies and he's supposed to die for the story to be happily ever after, that person will be okay when the story is complete."

I tried to understand all of this, but it was certainly difficult.

"Just don't take too long to do it, okay?" the hat said.

"Okay," I replied, and grasped the Sorting Hat by its tip. We left Dumbledore's office, and I was surprised to note that Frosty's group of students were gone. I set out to find Hermione or Ron, thinking the task would be easier with the help of the two of them.

I headed for the Gryffindor tower, hoping that they might have returned there.

Along the way, I passed the usual unusual characters, and tried to commit to memory who was who, so that when it was time to finish a certain story, I would know who to look for. I discovered Parvati and Padma, who were being particularly vile to a second year Hufflepuff girl; they must have been the wicked stepsisters and the girl was Cinderella.

"Do you know the muffin man?" a Slytherin boy asked frantically, grabbing my shoulders.

"Put me on him!" the Sorting Hat said, so I shoved the boy's hands from my shoulders and put the hat on his head. Cheesy music filled the air and the boy began to sing.

"Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man who lives on Drury lane?" The boy finished singing, and looked at me expectantly.

"Do I have to sing it?" I asked the Sorting Hat.

"I don't know," the hat replied. "You should go ahead and try."

I groaned, and began to sing very quietly to the music that came from the hat.

"Yes I know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man. Yes I know the muffin man who lives on Drury lane." I was embarrassed, even though nobody was listening.

"You don't know the muffin man!" another Slytherin said, shoving me out of the way. He looked at the boy who was wearing the hat, and they took turns singing the verses of the song. When it was over, the music stopped, and the boys looked very confused.

"It worked!" I exclaimed. "The potion's effects are gone!"

The Sorting Hat smiled. "Let us keep going, there is a lot of work to do."


	5. Goldilocks and his Bloomers

I arrived in Gryffindor tower, out of breath from running away from a particularly evil witch who tried to feed me a poisoned apple. I had to tell Professor Sprout that I wasn't hungry and when she got angry, I ran for it.

"Well, at least you know who the witch from Snow White is," the Sorting Hat said as the portrait shut behind me.

Luckily, I found Hermione in one of the tall chairs, although she was crying harder than ever. I walked over to her softly, and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She was cradling Trevor in her arms, and looked up at me with teary, red eyes.

"He's not going to change," she sobbed, "and I'll never get married."

I put my arm around her shoulders so that I could lean her forward in order to place the hat on her head. She thought I was trying to hug her, so she squeezed me into a tight, sideways, awkward embrace.

"I'll never be married," she sobbed again. I placed the Sorting Hat on her head. A frilly pink dress materialized around Hermione. The ground turned into a lily-pad covered pond. Instead of sitting on a chair, Hermione was sitting on a log. We were on an island of grass in the middle of the pond. The walls of the Gryffindor common room, though, were still there, housing the pond and getting in the way of the characters around us.

Hermione continued as if nothing had changed, as if she had imagined sitting by the lake the whole time.

"Try kissing him again," I said, pointing to Trevor.

She sobbed, so I held Trevor up for her so he was next to her face.

"Just one more try, eh?" I suggested. She sighed and kissed Trevor.

Nothing happened. Well, not nothing: Hermione did become hysterical, but the story didn't disappear like I imagined it would.

"He's not the frog prince!" The Sorting Hat yelled suddenly. "The frog prince must be another student!

"Oh no!" I exclaimed. "I have to find a student who's acting like a frog?"

"No," the hat said. "With me on her head, the student will actually BE a frog."

"With this kind of chaos in the castle, it'd be a wonder if he doesn't get stepped on," I said idly. With a sudden realization, I snatched the Sorting Hat from Hermione's head. The pond disappeared.

"Okay, at least now the student isn't a frog," I said to the hat. He agreed it would be best if we found the Frog Prince before placing the hat on Hermione's head again.

I thought about maybe forgetting about Hermione until I freed Ron, but I hadn't seen anything of the three bears so that story couldn't be completed either.

Unless... If Ron was Goldilocks, and the bears came home to find her in their house, wouldn't they just come to wherever Ron thought their house was? It was confusing but worth a shot.

I found him in the dormitory for the Gryffindor first years. He was testing out beds, just as I imagined he would be. All of them were too soft, according to him. I got him to sit still long enough for me to place the Sorting Hat on his head.

I had to suppress my laughter as locks of golden hair emerged from under the hat. A long blue dress materialized over Ron's tall body. He was even wearing bloomers. It took all my energy to keep from doubling over. The dormitory turned into a small cottage. Three bowls of porridge were on a round table in the center of the room. On one side of the room were three chairs and on the other were three beds.

He tasted the porridges one by one.

"Too hot! Too cold! MMMmmmm!" He gobbled down the third and smallest bowl.

"Just right," he explained to me through a full mouth.

He wandered over to the chairs. The first was square and made of maple.

"Too hard!

The second was made of thick, pillowed cushions.

"Too soft!

I never understood how a chair could be too soft, so while Ron found out that the smallest chair was just right, I sampled the too-soft chair. It practically smothered me when I sat myself in the middle of it. The feathery pillows ate me up like some kind of strange monster. I pulled myself out of it, gasping for air.

Ron, meanwhile, was sampling beds.

"Too high!" he said, trying to climb upon the large bed, with no success.

"Too low!" he said, looking down at the second bed, which was little more than a thin mattress on the ground.

"Just right!" he said, pulling the covers of the final bed over his head. He fell straight to sleep, the Sorting hat firmly on his head.

Now I just had to wait.

Thinking ahead, I decided I didn't want to be visible when the bears returned to their house. When they began asking who had eaten their food, I didn't want to be standing in the corner looking suspicious. So, I hid in the closet, leaving it open a crack so I could keep an eye on Ron and the hat.

Time passed slowly, and I wondered if my plan would work, if the bears would show up after all. I didn't want to have to go searching for them. Rapunzel's prince found her pretty quickly, but that also might have just been coincidence. The muffin man kid showed up out of nowhere, and his counterpart had been close by, so maybe the story's characters were naturally close to each other?

Just then, the door to the cottage opened. An awkward looking bear that walked on his two back legs came inside. He was wearing trousers. The next bear wore a dress, and the smallest wore nothing at all.

They each sat down around the round table, and saw that their spoons were in their porridge.

"Someone's been eating my porridge!" the father bear said in a loud voice. There was something familiar about it.

"Someone's been eating MY porridge," the mother bear said in a dreamy voice, and I knew she was Luna Lovegood.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and it's all gone!" The baby bear started to sob. I didn't recognize his voice.

They each saw their chairs, and the baby bear cried that his had broken. I sat up straighter, knowing that they would find Ron soon. At least it would be over for him soon.

"Start looking," the father bear said. "He can't have gone far.

Instead of looking in their beds, the bears started lumbering around the cottage, looking under the table and behind furniture.

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," the father bear said suddenly, but at that moment the closet door opened. My eyes grew wide.

"I found him!" Mother bear growled.

"No! I'm not the one!" The bears advanced towards me. This was all wrong! They were supposed to find Ron!

"You ate all my porridge!" the baby bear cried.

The father bear grabbed my by my neck with his huge paws and pulled me out of the closet. He shut the door, and pinned me up against it; my feet couldn't touch the ground. I gasped for air, but none could reach my lungs. I frantically kicked my legs, but the bear was so large, I didn't even make contact with him. So much for saving the castle, I thought. I'm going to die and be another story in Hogwarts a History about the dangers of Fantasy Tonic.

Just as my vision started to grow hazy, I heard a yawn from the other side of the room.

"Someone's in my bed!" the baby bear cried, pointing to Ron. I felt the grip around my neck loosen, and I inhaled as large a breath I could manage. The mother bear roared at Ron, who woke with a start. He ran from the cottage, except the cottage had turned back into the first year boys' dormitory.

The hairy paw around my neck shrunk into a hairless human hand. Its owner gasped, and stopped choking me. I coughed and sputtered, trying to breathe again.

"I'm so sorry, Harry!" Neville Longbottom said with a worried face. "I don't know what came over me!"

"It's okay," I gasped.

Luna just stood by the door, looking confused, while a small second year boy wondered why he was crying.

Ron came back into the room, holding the Sorting Hat in one hand and scratching his head with the other.

"You okay, Harry?" he asked, seeing me choke in my next breath.

"I'm fine," I said, finally regaining control over my breathing.

"What in the bloody hell is going on?" he asked. I explained quite quickly about the fantasy tonic and how he had been Goldilocks and how Neville and Luna and the boy (whose name was Ryan) had become the three bears when I placed the hat on Ron's head.

"So now we have to make everyone live happily ever after with the Sorting Hat on someone's head?" Ron questioned as he, Luna, Ryan and I went down to the Gryffindor common room.

"Yes," I answered.

"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked.

I pointed as we entered the common room. She was still crying in the chair.

Ron went over immediately to try to console her, but her grief couldn't be contained.

"We should split up," Luna suggested. "It would take too long to tackle each story one at a time."

"Well, we can only resolve one story at a time, because of the Sorting Hat" I explained again.

"But we can each take a story and get the characters together," she said, "and whenever you get to each of us, we'll be all ready.

I thought about it, and it was a good idea.

"Okay," I replied. "But be careful about the evil characters. Don't let them hurt anyone until the Sorting Hat is on. Keep the evil witch away from Snow White, and keep the three little pigs away from the Big Bad Wolf."

Luna and Ryan nodded, and went out of the portrait hole to begin their quests, but I just stood there.

Professor Snape... He was out cold and I had no idea how to bring him back. How could I finish Little Red Riding Hood, if he isn't awake to do it?

I groaned, and Ron asked what was wrong.

"Nothing," I lied. "Let's just find Hermione's prince. She'll be able to help us out.

"Okay," Ron agreed. He turned to Hermoine. "Now, Hermione, you stay here, okay?"

She didn't say anything. She just stroked Trevor and sniffed. I carefully walked over and picked Trevor up from her lap. She watched me take him, but didn't protest. I took him out of her sight.

"Try talking to her now," I said from behind her. Ron placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"Hermione?"

Her eyes changed to normal.

"Ron?" she asked.

"Hermione, you have to stay here for a while. Don't go anywhere else so we can find you."

"Sure," she replied, and she turned to stare out the window.

"Do you think that did anything?" Ron asked.

"I hope so," I answered. "I don't want to have to find her again."

Ron sighed and looked at the portrait hole. "Okay, let's go."


	6. Cinderella and the Beanstalk

"Just sit still for a minute!" I said to Roger Davies, who squirmed out of the way of the Sorting Hat. "I swear it won't hurt!

"I just want to sit in peace!" Roger yelled, his feet dangling off the side of one of the tall shelves in the library. "Leave me alone!"

Ron waved his long arms to distract Roger. Ron was on the ground while I stood precariously on the top of the library shelf with the Sorting Hat in hand. Roger looked down at Ron, and I shoved the hat on his head. He became an enormous egg with very long legs.

"Got it!" I yelled.

Roger suddenly didn't care that the hat was on his head, and just scratched his smooth white skin with a gloved hand.

"Can't I just shove him off and get it over with?" I asked Ron desperately from atop the shelf, which had transformed into a stone wall because of the Sorting Hat.

"Better not," Ron replied, so we waited. I looked for a way down, and found a rope ladder a few feet away. I climbed down, and Roger started to whistle an upbeat tune, swaying back in forth. His round body couldn't keep balanced and he over-swayed, pitching himself forward off the wall.

"Oh no!" he cried as he fell, and then he smashed into pieces. I looked over at Ron from the ladder. Ron just stared at the gooey mess, where the Sorting Hat, two gloves and a couple of large eyeballs floated.

"Well this is traumatic," Ron said, gawking at one of the round eyes that unmistakably belonged to Roger. A few moments later, horses arrived carrying a few fifth year students on their backs. They surveyed the damage, and tried to put the pieces of shell together but couldn't do it.

"It's hopeless," one of them said. "We can't put him back together." At that, the horses turned into students, the wall turned into a shelf, and everyone but Ron and I looked thoroughly confused. Roger rubbed his head as if he had bumped it. I snatched the Sorting Hat.

My legs were aching from running all through the castle. We had finished a few quick stories, nursery rhymes mostly; Humpty Dumpty, Old King Cole, Jack Be Nimble (which had been the easiest), and another song like the Muffin Man that I didn't even know.

We made our way to the front of the library, where Mrs. Pince looked quite angry, examining the dirt on her desk.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, holding my arm out to keep Ron from walking ahead. It was much easier to figure out what story a person was from if I asked a few questions.

"This place is a pigsty!" she complained, looking down at us from above her vulture-like nose. "But it's not like I haven't got someone to fix that... Cinderella!

"Bingo!" Ron said, turning to me. "Who did you say were in Cinderella?

"Padma and Parvati," I replied. "And some second year girl.

"Well then let's get them!" Ron turned to Roger and the other students from Humpty Dumpty. "Make sure she doesn't leave!" he yelled at them, pointing at Mrs Pince. "Unless," he added, "her outfit transforms or something like that, then let her go!" They nodded, and we sprinted out of the library. Cinderella was an undertaking we had not yet attempted. How long would it take? Would we really have to wait until midnight, and then another whole day to try on slippers?

I groaned inwardly thinking of wasting a whole day on a story; our run turned into a trot, and then into a walk.

"I'm tired," Ron admitted as we approached the staircase where I last saw Parvati and Padma. I nodded in agreement, but tried not to lose heart as we searched for the Patil sisters. We had been at it all day, and night was approaching. I looked out a window and over the darkening grounds, watching small dark silhouettes disappearing into the Forbidden Forest.

I pointed this out to Ron and he sighed.

"We're not going to have to go into the forest, are we? I've been there enough to last me a lifetime!"

I didn't answer, knowing that we probably would have to go into the forest to resolve some of the stories. While we tried to count how many people were walking into the trees, a loud crash from a nearby classroom startled us from our daze. A female's scream of frustration immediately followed the crash.

We rushed toward the room, wands and Sorting Hat in hand. The Patil sisters were there, yelling at the small second year girl who had dropped a platter of teacups onto the floor.

"There's no way mother will let you go to the ball now!" Padma screeched at the helpless girl, who tried to clean up the mess.

"But I must go," she said in a tiny voice, cutting a finger on a shard of the broken china. She grimaced, placing the finger in her mouth. Parvati took her foot and roughly kicked the girl's hand away from her mouth.

"You dirty little mouse!" she said.

I exchanged glances with Ron. This was very uncharacteristic of Padma and Parvati, and also uncomfortable to watch. Also, without the hat on, the girl who was Cinderella would receive real bruises from the kicks.

"Let's just hurry it up," Ron suggested, motioning toward the Sorting Hat.

"Okay." I placed it on Cinderella's head. The classroom turned into a fancy sort of bedroom with matching canopy beds. Piles of clothes littered the room. Padma and Parvati were wearing extravagant undergarments, obviously trying on clothes for the ball. Cinderella was wearing rags, her face covered with soot... or bruises. I really couldn't tell.

The sisters took forever to get ready while Cinderella silently helped them dress. Ron and I sat on one of the beds, tired and bored. How long does a girl have to look in a mirror in order to be satisfied and just move on? An hour later, Mrs. Pince entered the room in a glamorous gown.

"It's time, girls," she said, clapping her hands. Parvati and Padma each looked in the mirror one more time before hiking up their long dresses and gliding towards the door.

"May I go, too?" Cinderella asked meekly. Mrs. Pince just laughed, and left the room. Cinderella started to cry.

"I'm sorry," she said, turning to us, wiping her smudged face. "I just wanted to go so badly, and I can't help it.

"We don't mind," Ron yawned. "Cry all you want.

And cry she did. First she sobbed, then she sniffled, then she wept silently, and then started sobbing again.

"I can't take much more of this," Ron said quietly, shaking his head. I agreed. Where was that fairy godmother?

It took her an age to arrive, or maybe it just seemed that way because I was trying to keep myself from falling asleep on the soft canopy bed. She came through the window wearing a long pink dress. Her face was covered with glittered makeup, and my heart fluttered when I saw it was Cho Chang. She looked very nice with her fairy wings keeping her afloat next to Cinderella.

They talked for a while, and before long, Cinderella was decked out in her own gown and glass slippers, also looking slightly goofy with the Sorting Hat on her head. She went to leave the room, and Ron and I looked at each other, each of us lounging on the bed.

"I don't want to get up," I said.

"Me neither," Ron replied.

"Someone has to follow her."

"I vote you," Ron said.

I looked at my watch: Ten o'clock.

"How much would you bet the ball is in the Great Hall?" I asked Ron.

"I'd bet your Firebolt."

If she was going to be down there for two hours, and there was nothing I could do to help anyway, why not just take a little nap and then follow her after midnight? Nothing too bad could happen, and I was completely exhausted.

Before I could even make a decision, I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting away.

It was only a few minutes later that I was jolted awake by Ron.

"Harry!" he said, prodding my side. "Wake up!

"Fine, I'll follow her, but it's just going to be a dumb ball anyway."

"No! Wake up!"

I reached over to the desk next to the one I was lying on, where I had unconsciously placed my glasses. But then I realized that the bed had disappeared. Early morning sunshine was leaking into the classroom.

I got to my feet in a flash. I had been asleep for hours, not minutes!

"Where's the Sorting Hat?" I cried.

"I don't know," Ron said, "but that's the least of our worries. Come on!"

I followed him down the stairs and through the large oak doors to the grounds. Hagrid's hut was surrounded by students who had been set free from their stories.

"I saw them out the window," Ron said breathlessly as we ran to the wooden hut. "Something's got to be wrong."

Neville ran out to meet us when we were about a hundred meters from the hut.

"Harry! Ron! Where's the Sorting Hat? We need it now!"

"Why, what's going on?"

"Hagrid is the giant from Jack in the Beanstalk, and Colin Creevy is Jack. They met each other before we could find them and now we can't keep Hagrid from trying to kill Colin!"

I then realized that half the students were putting their weight against the front door of Hagrid's small house as he tried to burst his way out. The other half was in his back garden, guarding the back door. I could see Cho and Parvati, which meant that Cinderella must have concluded.

Colin stood outside the hut, looking very frustrated that so many people were in his way.

"I need to get the hen that lays golden eggs!" he said suddenly, trying to push his way through the crowd.

"Ron! Hold him back!" I yelled. He complied as I rushed towards the students in the front of the hut.

"Cho!" I yelled over the sound of the banging front door. She turned and looked relieved to see me.

"Luna Lovegood told us everything! Where's the Sorting Hat?" she asked.

"I was about to ask you the same question!" I said, adding my weight to the door to help keep Hagrid inside.

"You mean you don't know?" she shrieked.

"I fell asleep."

Thud!

"When did you last see it?"

Thud!

"On Cinderella's head!"

THUD! I could feel the wooden door beginning to splinter under my hands.

"What are we going to do?" Cho yelled, putting her shoulder against the door. "If we don't put the hat on Colin's head, he could really get hurt!"

"I don't know"

THUD! The wood gave a threatening crack, but held together. Hagrid must have sensed it weakening.

"Fe fi fo fum!" he boomed from within the hut. "I smell the blood of an Englishman!"

I braced myself against the door, waiting for the final blow. The footsteps within took a running start and then... stopped. The hut began to fill with white smoke and even looked like it was growing larger.

"Stand back!" someone yelled, so I ran, making sure Cho got away too. The hut began to levitate, and then suddenly shot into the air like a cork, bringing the white smoke with it. Except, the smoke wasn't smoke at all, but a huge cloud. It stopped when it became level with all the other clouds.

A huge beanstalk started growing where Hagrid's hut used to be. It wound its way up towards the sky like a serpent. Colin approached the base, the Sorting Hat placed firmly on his small head.

I turned to Ron, and saw him grinning next to Remus Lupin.

"Lupin! What are you doing here?" I asked wildly, trotting over to him and Ron.

"Helping you out, it would seem," he said. He motioned for me to come with him out of earshot of everyone else. Ron followed. We passed the girl who had been Cinderella; she held a small mirror in front of her face and gawked at the bruises she had received while engulfed in her story.

"Both Dumbledore and Snape missed an important meeting last night at the Weasley's home," Lupin said in an undertone, glancing at Ron. "I decided to investigate their whereabouts this morning through Dumbledore's fireplace, and found two students kissing quite passionately in his office.

"Was one of them wearing the Sorting Hat?" I asked quickly. Lupin nodded.

"I asked the Sorting Hat what was going on, and he explained everything as the students transformed back into themselves. I told them to stay put and came as quickly as I could. I saw something going on next to Hagrid's hut when I arrived, so I went to Dumbledore's office, grabbed the hat, and came down. Lucky for all of you," he added.

"I don't know WHAT we're going to do," Ron said, scratching his scalp. "We've got dozens of stories to finish, and only one Sorting Hat. Hermione's stuck up in the Gryffindor tower kissing a toad, Dumbledore is frozen in place somewhere."

"And Snape's locked in his dungeon with a sleeping draught that put him out cold."

"How'd you manage that one?" Lupin said with a slight smile. I started to explain but he put a hand up. "Doesn't really matter, but we should try to hurry and resolve all these stories."


	7. Sorting Hat Catastrophe

The morning was spent in the forest. After Colin came down the beanstalk and chopped the beanstalk at its base, an enormous Hagrid fell to the ground and died. Luckily, he shrunk back to his normal size (if you could call Hagrid's size normal), woke up, and helped us find the people in the forest.

Snow White was there with her seven first year dwarves. Professor Sprout fed her the poisoned apple and Snow White fell into a deep slumber. She was placed in a glass casket until the prince found her and kissed her and they turned back into students. We went inside the castle and concluded Alice in Wonderland; much to my amusement, Mr. Filch made an adorable white rabbit. Lavender Brown had been Alice, and when we told her what had happened, she went hysterical, saying she predicted this would happen in Divination earlier that week.  Sleeping Beauty was surprisingly quick, as she had already fallen asleep in her Ravenclaw dormitory. We just put the hat on her head, and the prince was there within minutes, kissing her.  I was becoming increasingly jealous of the princes who got to kiss the princesses, who were all attractive seventh year girls.  Throughout all of this, Ron and I kept a sharp eye out for a student who might be acting like a frog prince to get Hermione out of her story, but no frog prince could be found. Ron suggested just keeping the hat on Hermione and letting the prince come to her like all the others had, but I told him it would be impossible for a real frog to get through the portrait hole. Ron just frowned, and I wondered how much he wished to have been the frog prince.  Every time we released students from their fantasy, it became easier to resolve other stories because we had more and more people to help us out; it was easier to keep the evil people like the witch from Hansel and Gretel from attacking their counterparts with increasingly more people in reality.  The Emperor's New Clothes was a great story to finish, since Colin was free with camera in hand. Once out of his story, Malfoy didn't believe that he had been running around naked.  "Oh, I'll let you see the pictures when they're developed," Colin assured him.  "Yeah, we'll make posters for you and hang them in the halls," Ron laughed. Malfoy stormed off toward the Slytherin common room.  We wanted to make sure Malfoy had his goons back, so we resolved the three little pigs. Crabbe and Goyle looked more confused than usual as they lumbered back toward their common room.  Night was coming again, but we were making an obvious dent in the number of stories to finish.  Ginny Weasley skipped by us as we passed the Library.  "Ginny!" Ron yelled.  "That's not her name," I reminded him as she skipped around the corner.  "Well then who is she?" he asked. I hadn't mentioned Little Red Riding Hood yet, but it was about time to tackle this story. I told him about Snape and how he had tried to attack Ginny at the beginning of it all.  "We have to let out Snape so he can eat McGonagall," I said. "Red Riding Hood isn't supposed to see her grandmother, just the wolf dressed as her grandma."  "Okay," Ron said. "I'll follow Ginny and make sure she doesn't find Snape on accident." He pulled out his wand and followed her.  "I'll go with you, Harry," Lupin said. "If he's not awake yet we might need to figure something else out."  Sorting Hat in hand, I went down to the dungeons with Lupin at my heels.  We approached the classroom, and I could see that something was wrong. The heavy door had been broken off its hinges and was on the ground in the corridor.  "Oh no," I breathed.  "Are you sure he was in there?" Lupin said, bending down to survey the door.  "Positive," I answered. "I locked the door but I guess he got hungry enough in the past two days to knock it down."  "We've got to hurry," Lupin said suddenly. "We don't know when he escaped. He could be at Minerva's bedside now, without the Sorting Hat on!"  We sprinted up three flights of stairs and down a dozen corridors until we reached Professor McGonagall's room. Sure enough, Snape was there, clawing at the door of a large cabinet with his fingers.  I ran towards him with the Sorting Hat at the ready, prepared to shove it on his greasy head. He turned and swiped at me with his nails. He caught me right on the face, and I fell to the ground. My cheek started stinging, and a drop of blood fell to the stone floor.  Furious, I got up again, and tried to place the hat on Snape's head from behind, but he did a strange backwards kick and nearly got me between the legs. I backed away and looked at Lupin for help. Lupin swished his wand and muttered. The hat floated from my grasp and to the ceiling. It floated over Snape's head for a moment, before falling and forcing itself onto his scalp.  Dark, greasy hair started to sprout from Snape's skin. His nose became long and snout-like. Although he still stood on two legs, he hunched forward awkwardly much like the three bears did. The room transformed into a small house; the cabinet transformed into a wardrobe that sat against the wall.  "Come, Harry!" Lupin said, beckoning me to the door. I backed away slowly as Snape's greasy hair finished growing. He growled, and spotted me, his eyes cold and heartless (no change from real life) which normally didn't frighten me, but Snape also wouldn't normally try to eat me.  I sprinted as fast as I could towards the door. Lupin shot a spell over my shoulder, which caught Snape enough to keep him from biting me. I dove out of the room and Lupin slammed the door behind me.  "What about McGonagall?" I asked breathlessly.  "He's got the hat on, she'll be fine."  "What if it falls off? I mean, he's pretty wild..."  Lupin considered this, and thought for a few moments before remembering a spell and using it on the door. The wood became see-through.  "Snape can't see us," Lupin explained. "This way we can make sure the hat stays on." We watched as Snape used his real claws to tear into the wardrobe. A frail McGonagall was inside, hiding behind a slew of old lady's dresses. She screamed as the wolf picked her up with his long claws and held her over his head. He opened his mouth wide, drool dripping from his long teeth. I felt like I needed to do something to save McGonagall, but Lupin put a hand on my shoulder to keep me in place. Snape lowered her head into his mouth and her scream was silenced. He swallowed her whole, his thin belly filling out to a normal size. He laughed and growled at his success. He returned to the wardrobe, where he took out a dress and a bonnet. He dressed himself and settled into the small bed, pulling the covers over his long nose.  "Now we just wait for Ginny," Lupin said.  "He has to eat Ginny, too, doesn't he?" I realized out loud. Ron wouldn't be happy about that at all.  "She'll be fine, that hat's not going anywhere," Lupin reassured me.  Ron arrived with Ginny about half an hour later. Lupin erased his spell from the door to not confuse Ginny.  "Took you long enough," I said, getting up from the place where I had been sitting against the wall.  "I figured it would take a while to get him up from the dungeons," Ron said, shrugging. I told him about how Snape had escaped. Ron's eyes grew wide.  "At least he didn't find Ginny" he breathed. "That would have been..."  "Bad." Lupin said quickly. "But he didn't, so don't worry about it, Ron."  "I'm at Grandma's house!" Ginny said. "Thanks for your help, young man," she said to Ron.  "No problem," he muttered.  Ginny went through the door quietly as if not to wake her grandmother. Lupin cast the spell on the door again so we could make sure everything went correctly.  "I don't like this," Ron decided, as Ginny approached the bed.  "The Sorting Hat is in place," Lupin said to Ron in the same assuring voice as he had used with me.  "What large eyes you have!" Ginny exclaimed.  "Oh, the better to see you with my dear!"  Ron began to pace.  "What a large nose you have!" Ginny gasped.  "Oh, the better to smell you with, my dear"  "What large hands you have!  "The better to hug you with... my dear"  The wolf was getting anxious. Any moment he would pounce on Ginny. I thought about walking Ron to the end of the hallway, but he had stopped pacing and was watching intently, his hands pressed against the invisible door.  "What large ears you have!"  "The better to hear you with my dear"  I heard Ron swallow loudly.  "Come on, Ron," I whispered. "Let's just not watch."  "No," he shook my hand from his shoulder. "I have to make sure she's okay."  "What large teeth you have!"  "Oh the better to EAT YOU WITH!"  It happened in a flash. Snape simply opened his mouth and gulped down Ginny's entire head and torso. Her legs kicked violently as he turned his head to the ceiling. He let her kick the air for a few moments. Then, their movement slowed until they didn't move at all. He swallowed the rest of her, his belly huge from the two bodies he had eaten.  Snape the wolf tried to get up, but his stomach was so full he couldn't move.  "No matter," he said out loud to himself. "I'll just take a nap until they're digested." He fell asleep almost instantaneously.  Ron was very pale, but turned to me and half-smiled as if he was okay.  "Remember, she's fine" I said. "Hagrid died in his story, and came back to life the moment it was over."  "I just hope that woodcutter gets here soon," Ron said.  "Actually," Lupin said. "Ginny won't die at all... In the story, Red Riding Hood is still alive in his belly," Lupin said.  "I don't know if that makes me feel better," Ron confessed. A few minutes later, Snape's stomach jolted and moved as if he was pregnant with a rather animated whomping willow. It must have been too much for Ron, because he turned slightly green and sprinted towards the boys' toilet at the end of the corridor.  "I'm going to see if he's okay," Lupin said, following closely behind. He took the spell off the door. "If the woodcutter comes let me know so I can put the spell back on the door."  Thankfully, the woodcutter didn't take long to arrive, though it was humorous to see who it was.  "Madam Pomfrey?" I exclaimed as she came up dressed like a male woodcutter in long pants and a flannel shirt. I had never seen her wearing anything but her uniform, and it was funny to see her in such an outfit.  "I saw a little girl earlier," she said roughly, "that wolf hasn't gotten her has he?"  "See for yourself," I said, motioning toward the door.  Madam Pomfrey pulled an ax from her work belt and held it expertly. She opened the door with the other hand. As soon as it shut, I pulled out my wand. Lupin had performed the spell twice now, and I was pretty sure I could do it myself. I didn't want to embarrass Ron by coming in while he was being sick. I said the spell, and the door became transparent, although not as much of it had changed as when Lupin had done it. Somewhat proud of myself, I watched Madam Pomfrey approach the bed.  She put an ear to Snape's hairy stomach and her eyes grew wide.  Good, I thought, she knows Ginny's in there.  Madam Pomfrey put her axe away and pulled a knife from the belt. She carefully chose where to make the incision, and lowered the knife. Just before the blade touched the skin...  "GRAWWWWR!"  Snape woke up in a fury. Still unable to move because of his oversized stomach, he thrashed around, trying to pry the knife from Madam Pomfrey's grip. She hit his paw away and jumped from his reach. I tried to stay calm, telling myself that it was part of the story and that she would get him eventually. Snape didn't stop trying to move from the bed. He scratched at the wooden headboard and twirled his legs, shredding all the sheets on the bed.  All of a sudden, a claw on his front left paw caught the Sorting Hat and it flew from his head.  The wolf turned into the human Snape, who was in much more agony as a person than as a wolf. His stomach was grotesquely large, to the point where his robes had ripped and the skin beneath them threatened to tear as well.  I burst into the room, diving for the Sorting Hat. Madam Pomfrey, who didn't care whether the hat was on or not, tried to get at Snape's belly again. As much as I hated Snape, I couldn't let him die from a Fantasy Tonic disaster, so I hit the knife from her hand, which was actually a scalpel from the hospital wing. It went clanging across the floor.  Snape's cries of agony were so inhumanly loud and full of pain that I had to help him somehow.  Between Snape's screams, I could hear a dull screaming from within Snape's stomach. It was Ginny. It sounded like she was in as much pain as he was. His taut stomach moved from within. I suddenly felt like Ron had when he first saw it.  Except then, it hat just been part of the story.  I needed to get the hat on someone! Snape was flailing too much to get close enough, so I turned to Madam Pomfrey.  I hadn't noticed that she had retrieved the scalpel while I was watching Snape, and all of the sudden I felt a piercing sharp pressure just above my left hipbone. White-hot pain shot through my body as I realized Madame Pomfrey had stabbed me.  "You're trying to help the wolf!" she accused me, pulling out the scalpel. Blood began to spill out of the wound faster than I imagined it could. I held my hand against it, but it felt like my muscles weren't working properly enough to stop the bleeding. She started towards Snape again, scalpel at the ready. I mustered my energy and slapped it from her hand with my blood-soaked fingers.  She angrily retrieved it and came at me again, aiming at my chest. I ducked out of the way, but it caught me in the shoulder, and penetrated deeply. It suddenly felt like I wasn't wearing my glasses because my vision became completely blurry.  I remember how the coldness of the floor felt so good against my face. I didn't want to get up because the stone felt like ice against my burning cheek.  I dreamt that a woodpecker landed next to me and poked at my wounds.  "Stop it!" I'd cry, but he'd keep poking at them with his beak until they got bigger and bigger. The hole in my shoulder was big enough to fit my entire hand through. I sat up and found a desk with a large book on top of it. "Hogwarts, a History" it read. I opened it to a page near the middle, and there was a picture of me dead on the classroom floor. Words began to appear and told of the Fantasy Tonic disaster, how Ginny and McGonagall died, how Snape had exploded and I was stabbed to death. The words didn't make sense when I tried to re-read it, although I tried extremely hard to concentrate on the words.  I felt something cool on my forehead and it woke me from my deep slumber.  "What's going on?" I asked, lifting a heavy arm to feel what had been placed on my head. I opened an eye.  "Shhh, just rest." The light was too bright for me to see who it was, but I recognized the voice immediately  "Hermione!"  I sat up, rubbing my stubborn eyes. Hermione's hand pushed me back down to the pillow. I regained my eyesight and saw that it was midday. Madame Pomfrey was in her uniform, bustling around from bed to bed.  "How long have I been asleep?  "About twelve hours," Hermione guessed, looking down at her watch.  "How did you get out of your story?" I asked.  "What do you mean?"  "The Fantasy Tonic," I mumbled, my head beginning to pound.  "What's Fantasy Tonic?" she asked.  Did I just make up that entire thing? What was going on? Was I just waking up from the Potion's class mishap?  "I'm going crazy," I confessed. Hermione was trying to suppress a laugh. "What's so funny?" I demanded.  "You're not crazy. I was just kidding." She smiled at my sigh of relief. "Ron freed me from my Fantasy Tonic story," she explained, "right after saving you from your little woodcutter problem."  Hermione told me about what happened after I had been stabbed. Ron and Lupin came in just as Madame Pomfrey tried to cut open Snape and put the Sorting Hat on her head. That story finished, and Ginny and McGonagall came out of it with burns all over their body from Snape's real life stomach acid. Since Madame Pomfrey had been right there next to me when she emerged from her story, she was able to heal my wounds. She then helped Ginny, McGonagall, and Snape (to shrink his stomach back to a normal size). While we were taken to the hospital wing, Ron and Lupin finished out all the remaining stories.  "So is everyone cured?" I asked.  "We think so," Hermione said. "If anyone starts acting goofy, the teachers are to send the student here where Madame Pomfrey will put the Sorting Hat on their head.  Madame Pomfrey was just passing by my bed when Hermoine said that. The angst-ridden nurse looked down at me and stopped mid-stride.  "I'm so sorry Harry!" she exclaimed suddenly, rushing to my side. "I'll never forgive myself for this! Hurting a student... I should be fired."  "It wasn't your fault," I said, rubbing my stiff, mended shoulder.  "I still feel terrible," she said, straightening up. "If you need ANYTHING, you just let me know."  "Looks like I can get some free trips to the hospital wing if I wanted," I whispered to Hermione as Madame Pomfrey walked away. "Just in case Potions is too much to bear." Hermione just smiled.  "Why are you in such a good mood?" I asked suddenly. "Normally you'd tell me not to fake being sick. And you definitely wouldn't lie to me about not knowing what happened."  "I don't know," she replied, blushing. Ron came in with a handful of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.  "Ah! You're awake!" he said, popping an orange one into his mouth.  "What's wrong with Hermoine?" I asked Ron right away. He looked nervous all of a sudden.  "Apparently, the frog prince found me before the Sorting Hat was placed on my head," Hermione said quietly. "We kissed for hours before Ron and Lupin found us."  "Okay, that's enough," Ron said, offering Hermione his beans to shut her up.  "And then," Hermione continued, pushing Ron's hand away. "Ron ran over, and shoved the hat on my head. I kissed the frog and he turned into a prince and the potion's effects were gone. But Ron..."  "That's enough!"  "Ron, he shoved the prince out of the way and--"  "And I kissed you. Okay! Here, Harry, have a bean."  I knew there was something there, but didn't want to tell either of them that I did. It was only a matter of time until Ron finally did something about it. I just took an Every Flavored Bean and popped it into my mouth. I nibbled on the nice chocolate while Ron gagged on a tar flavored one. Hermione just smiled.

We sat for a while, talking about the strangeness of it all, when Hermione became quiet all of a sudden.

"What's wrong?" Ron asked. Hermione was staring at me with an odd expression.

"If everyone at Hogwarts was affected by Fantasy Tonic," Hermione said slowly to me, "why weren't you stuck in a story?"  "I don't know," I confessed. "From the beginning, everyone thought I was part of their story."  "Have you tried to put on the Sorting Hat?" Hermione persisted.

"No."

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances.

"Why don't we just do it, to see what happens?" she said.

"Why even bother?" I said, swallowing another flavored bean. Hermione seemed to take this as some kind of challenge, because she left my bedside, walking towards Madam Pomfrey's office.

"Well, it can't hurt, can it?" Ron said.

A few minutes later, Hermione returned, Sorting Hat in hand. For some strange reason, I was feeling nervous about placing the magical hat on my head. Ron took the hat and handed it to me.

"Good luck, mate," he said.

I placed the hat on my own head. I felt an odd sensation, as if under the Imperius Curse, and began talking. I didn't remember what I said, but when Hermione reached to take the hat from my head, she was smiling broadly.

"There, I guess we're all done!"

"Wait!" I exclaimed. "What just happened?"

"You've just finished it off!" Ron said happily. "Everyone's cured."

"What did I say, though?" I asked, thoroughly frustrated.

"You've been the narrator," Hermione explained. "That's why you weren't part of any one story!"

"But what did I say?"

The Sorting Hat cleared his throat and the rip at the brim opened wide.

"You said: The Fantasy Tonic has been extracted from all in the castle, the final one being myself. I, the storyteller of all the stories am now released from the influence of the Fantasy Tonic. I, and all those residing in the castle Hogwarts shall all live happily ever after."

The End


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